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Rebuilding trust after abuse is a long and unpredictable journey, for people aren’t only piecing broken pieces of their relationship, but their whole perception of the world shifts. The moment trust crumbles, it affects not only the relationship’s foundation but also the individual’s belief in people and the world.
In Dry Your Eyes, Girl, a book documenting Christina Balzani’s healing journey after childhood abuse, the author details the harrowing effects of abuse. She touches on what this does to people and how it leaves bruises and scabs in their self-esteem and ability to trust even after years of its occurrence. This is the weight victims have to carry throughout their lives—the endless wondering of why they had to suffer and the constant blaming of the situation on themselves.
It’s an endless cycle, and rebuilding trust after abuse is a long, rigorous journey.
Trust Is A Powerful Thing, Albeit Fragile
It’s the crux of every relationship, empowering people to strengthen connections. Yet, it’s also a primary reason for people’s division. It’s the glue that holds connections stronger, protecting their authenticity. Hence, when it’s broken, relationships waver and are almost instantly destroyed.
At its core, trust is what makes things work. It powers people to strive and fix things, giving them reasons to stay and work on the bond and themselves. Logically, they lose the will to do any of this, believing their efforts will be futile when their concept of trust gets tarnished.
Discussions about it may mostly associate trust with romantic relationships. But it’s essential beyond these, for it also plays a critical role in people’s overall development.
Trust not only determines how relationships are handled but also regulates people’s interactions, shaping how they see the world. As early as childhood, trust is already present in people’s systems. Although guided when navigating the world, it’s innate for people to be trusting of what’s around them.
It’s distrust that’s learned and developed when they are exposed to experiences that cause them to step back and question where they stand with others—especially in cases of childhood abuse.
How Does Abuse Affect Trust?
Imagine being a child, unknowing of what the world holds. You won’t even have qualms about how people should be towards you. You’re naive about how the world should be, but the glimpse presented to you is bar of beauty. This would likely cause you constant uncertainty about the world, as the foundation of your experiences has left you in the dark about life’s beauty.
Whatever you experience will make you look back to that particular event in your childhood, with fears and triggers cropping up. This will completely distort your belief about life. If you’re exposed to nothing but pain and see others living happily or even suddenly experiencing good things for once in your life, you would constantly question your situation.
It’s sad, but it’s true. Regardless of how long it has been, childhood abuse will have lasting damage to how people perceive the world and their experiences.
From neglect to physical mistreatment, there are many types of abuse commonly inflicted on children. But regardless, abuse is confusing, given its extreme dissonance from how children should be treated.
According to the National Children’s Alliance, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 13 boys are reported to be victims of child abuse. This equals a significant number of adults experiencing trust issues growing up.
National Children’s Alliance
But How Does Childhood Abuse Translate to Distrust in Adulthood?
Distrust is the leftover burden of childhood abuse.
It may not necessarily show up while the abuse is pervasive. But some victims have to endure this once the dust clears. It comes knocking back into their lives years after they’ve suffered—then, they’re seemingly back to square one, where they’re left healing from abuse and what is causing them.
Trust is often compared to a bank account, where people have an account of how much they trust the people around them. If, from childhood, this account is already struggling with deficits, people would have to experience a vast amount of goodness to make up for what they’ve lost. They would be on their guard growing up, questioning the intentions of those around them, given their experience.
Due to the trauma of their childhood, people will grow up second-guessing everything. They must constantly evaluate their safety, uncertain if the people around them have good intentions.
Hence, rebuilding trust after abuse often becomes the hardest task for victims and survivors.
Being thrust into a new environment away from their perpetrators doesn’t mean healing comes easy. They would have to relearn how to trust and be open to others. They will need to be reminded what safety feels and looks like, what comfort is, and what their boundaries should be.
What Rebuilding Trust After Abuse Looks Like
To move forward, adults have to acknowledge their childhood. Although some things are more easily forgotten than addressed, childhood abuse will constantly claw at an individual unless it’s resolved.
Distrust doesn’t have an on-off button for people to turn off once they leave the problematic environment. Instead, they must consciously and diligently work to leave this tendency behind. Rebuilding trust after abuse takes time, as it involves a multi-step structured process.
This shift doesn’t change overnight.
As mentioned, trust is comparable to a bank account. Since those who suffer from childhood trauma have diminished, they have a long way to rebuild how they perceive the concept.
Logically and empathetically, the burden of rebuilding trust after emotional abuse should fall on the perpetrator. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t always favor the victim. More often than not, children who have to endure abuse have to resolve their trauma alone.
Other’s wrongdoings become theirs to solve.
However, in doing this, they also have to refrain from blaming themselves. While they’re left to unburden their lives alone, this doesn’t mean they deserve anything that happened to them. It’s never their fault things happened.
In unburdening themselves of the guilt and shame, they empower themselves to reestablish firm boundaries for themselves. This becomes the new foundation for trust to rebuild itself. For those who are struggling with rebuilding trust after abuse, read Christina Balzani’s story and find inspiration in how she found beauty in life after. Grab a copy of Dry Your Eyes, Girl now!
- Rebuilding Trust After Abuse: A Long And Uncertain Journey - November 13, 2024
- How Do People Heal and Recover From Childhood Abuse? - November 6, 2024
- Childhood Abuse Trauma: Tainted Interpersonal Relationships - October 10, 2024
