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Boundaries are vital in life but aren’t easily established, even for adults who understand what they like and dislike. These are set in moments where an individual feels vulnerable yet safe to share their needs and assert limitations. But what happens when an individual’s environment has never honored these, especially for children yet to understand themselves?
For those who suffered from child abuse, life will feel detached. Boundaries after childhood trauma will be non-existent as they struggle to find where they feel safe. With zero perception of what safety and genuine care feel like, children will commonly be confused when assessing whether actions are safe or not, contributing to their struggle in drawing the lines.
What’s safe will feel unsafe, and what’s unsafe can seem comfortable as they’re familiar. Life after trauma for children isn’t a smooth journey. However, with the guidance of adults, they will gradually learn what boundaries mean and how essential it is to set healthy lines around themselves.
How Does Trauma Impact Boundaries from a Child’s Perception?
When boundaries are never taught or respected, the concept of limitations won’t be brought up. This means children who suffered from abuse growing up live without knowing what consent is and learn to believe they have no autonomy over their lives.
Boundaries are only established when people learn what works for them. However, these are only identified when they’re safely exposed to different situations and allowed to honor their responses throughout. If their responses are disregarded, pleas of pain or fear are brushed off, children become indifferent when their lines are repeatedly crossed. They grow up thinking these are normal. Hence, it’s only logical that children will have trouble identifying boundaries after childhood trauma.
In her book Dry Your Eyes, Girl, author Christina Balzani highlights that life after trauma can feel quiet. It’s not the serene or peaceful type, but the tape-over-one’s-mouth type, where victims often feel silenced or shunned by the world. But, in the same book, Christina reinforces the idea that living loud once more is a decision taken and pursued by the survivor.
However, it’s different when we’re talking about children survivors. In this case, healing starts by identifying their struggles in drawing boundaries after childhood trauma.
How Do Children Express Boundaries After Childhood Trauma?
Stepping outside a life filled with pain can be a liberating experience. But for children, everything will feel brand new. As they step into life after trauma, they may take time getting accustomed to the feeling of safety and security. They will take time to relearn how to trust others and openly express any discomfort they’re feeling.
In a more secure environment, children will learn to express their feelings. But they will be all over the place and need all the help they can get to manage.
They May Act Out
Still unable to fully understand and control their emotions, children may lash out when their lines are crossed. Aggression becomes a common way to establish boundaries after childhood trauma because they grew up in a space where nobody listened to them. Defiance becomes the only solution they can think of to be heard, but beneath the anger is a hidden plea for safety.
Boundaries after childhood trauma will be a new concept for children. Hence, they tend to act out to test others’ limitations and understand what and where boundaries truly lie.
They Will Over-Accommodate
Children don’t have any idea of what people-pleasing is. But for those who lived in an environment where they weren’t prioritized, this will almost feel like second nature. Since they will have no concept of boundaries after childhood trauma, saying yes to anything and everything will always feel safest.
In fear of an adverse reaction to their rejection, abused children will develop a habit of over-accommodation. They will instinctively prioritize others even if this puts a toll on their emotions and well-being. If uncorrected, this pattern may be carried into adulthood. This will only endanger and expose survivors to those who may take advantage of them.
They May Withdraw from Interactions
When things start to get chaotic, withdrawing or shutting down becomes the first option for children exposed to trauma. This is among the most common coping mechanisms for anyone who has always felt unsafe, the easiest way to escape from the situation. Withdrawal from social interactions is a common sign that a child is struggling to establish boundaries after childhood trauma. It’s something adults should be on the lookout for.
How to Feel Safe After Childhood Trauma?
For children who are still learning the concept of boundaries after childhood trauma, there’s no better way to feel safe than by rebuilding boundaries. This calls for the guidance of adults around them, who can help them rebuild their safe spaces and encourage self-expression without punishment. Adults will be in charge of creating an environment where children’s boundaries are respected, where they’re allowed to say “no,” and their feelings are recognized.
Setting boundaries after childhood trauma is only the first step in reintroducing children to the world after suffering. It’s not only important to teach them about the importance of drawing lines but also to make them realize their value and why they’re doing so. For children who had always been shunned growing up, life after trauma should teach them to recognize their worth and trust their feelings.
Safety after childhood trauma should be focused on allowing children to be safe with themselves. Relearning boundaries is an integral part of healing from trauma. Children should be taught to draw the lines to thrive and grow into their potential. To start identifying how life should be after trauma, refer to Christina Balzani’s Dry Your Eyes, Girl. Grab a copy of the life-changing material now!
