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Guilt and shame are common emotions that everyone feels. Yet, they are some of the most difficult to wash away. These are important themes that feature heavily in Christina Balzani’s Dry Your Eyes, Girl, a book full of deep human truths and profound journeys–among which is the healing journey after childhood abuse.
What Are Guilt and Shame?
Before we can wash away guilt and shame, we must first understand what these feelings are and how they are different from one another.
Guilt is a feeling you get when you’ve done something you know was wrong. It’s about your actions. For example, if you forgot your friend’s birthday, you might feel guilty. This feeling can be helpful because it can make you want to say sorry and do better next time.
Shame is a much deeper feeling. It’s not about what you did, but about who you are. It makes you feel like you are a bad person. Instead of thinking, “I did something bad,” shame makes you think, “I am bad.” This feeling can make you want to hide and feel unworthy of love.
In her book, Balzani explains that these feelings often start when we are young. Maybe we were criticized a lot, or we felt like we didn’t fit in. Society’s rules and expectations can also make us feel guilt and shame if we don’t live up to them. Recognizing where these feelings come from is the first step to feeling better.
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How Guilt and Shame Show Up
These feelings don’t always show up in an obvious way. They can be hidden in our everyday actions and thoughts. Here are some of the ways guilt and shame might be affecting you:
- Being too hard on yourself. You have a voice in your head that is always finding fault and saying negative things.
- Avoiding people or situations. You might stay away from certain people or places because they remind you of something you feel guilty or ashamed about.
- Trying to be perfect. You work too hard to be flawless because you’re afraid of being judged.
- Pleasing others too much. You constantly try to make everyone happy because you’re scared they won’t like you if you don’t.
- Feeling sick. These feelings can also make you feel physically unwell, causing stress or making you feel tired and sad.
Balzani’s book helps us notice these signs so we can start to deal with the real problem.
A Healing Journey: Steps to Let Go
Balzani’s Dry Your Eyes, Girl gives us a kind and straightforward way to start feeling better. Here are some of the key steps:
Be Aware and Be Kind to Yourself
The first step is to notice when you feel guilt and shame. Try to understand what triggers these feelings. Once you see them, the most important thing you can do is to be kind to yourself. Think about how you would talk to a friend who was feeling this way. You would be gentle and understanding, so be gentle and understanding with yourself, too.
Challenge Your Inner Critic
That voice of negativity in your head is often a terrible source of guilt and shame. Start to pay attention to what it says. Is it really true? Balzani teaches us to question these thoughts. Instead of just believing them, try to replace them with kinder, more balanced thoughts. It takes practice, but it helps a lot.
Make Amends and Forgive Yourself
If your guilt comes from something you did to someone else, a sincere apology can be a big step toward healing. But it’s also crucial to forgive yourself. This doesn’t mean you’re saying what you did was okay. It means you are letting go of the mistake and freeing yourself from that heavy feeling so you can move forward.
Know It’s Okay to Not Be Perfect
Nobody is perfect, and making mistakes is a regular part of life. Trying to be perfect all the time is exhausting and is a significant cause of guilt and shame. Balzani wants us to embrace our imperfections. It’s okay to have flaws; they are a part of what makes you human.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Sometimes, we feel guilty because we say “yes” constantly to things we don’t want to do. This is because when we say otherwise and when we say “no” to others, we feel a certain way, like we’ve let them down. Yet, learning to say “no” and to set down healthy boundaries in our relationships can protect our feelings and help us feel more respected and in control.
Seek Support from Others
The journey to let go of guilt and shame is much easier when you’re not alone. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor can make a huge difference. Sharing your feelings can help you feel less alone and give you a new way of looking at things.
Find Things to Be Grateful For
When we focus on all the things that are wrong, guilt and shame can find opportunities to grow stronger. You should always avoid moments like that. A simple trick that you can do is to take a few minutes a day thinking about what you are most grateful for. This can help you shift your focus to the good things in your life and feel more positive about yourself.
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The journey of letting go of guilt and shame can be challenging, but it is one that everyone should try taking. These steps will not fix everything, nor are they for everyone, but they are good steps to start with. And most of all, be kind to yourself.
You can slowly shed these heavy feelings and find more peace and freedom.
Dry Your Eyes, Girl reminds you that healing is possible and that you are worthy of love and happiness.
Ready to take the next step in your healing journey and finally let go of the pain of guilt and shame? You can find Christina Balzani’s book, Dry Your Eyes, Girl, on this website or in major online bookstores.
Start your path to freedom and self-acceptance today.
